Everyone Knows These Mums

I tend to do most of my thinking during my daily, arduous walks up and down Yonge Street* (trying to coax my minions to sleep). It is a great opportunity to wander around, people-watching (pushing a stroller is like owning a licence to behave like a zombie and stare aimlessly at people without causing offence!).  Being a self-confessed reassurance-seeker, my eye tends to be pulled towards other parents and frequently, I find myself slotting other mamas into my own little categories.

There are lots of different mums out there but here are three to start us off!  If you find yourself fitting into one of these groups, please don’t take offence…if I didn’t envy part of your life, I wouldn’t notice it!!

The Swan Mama
Swan Mamas seemingly glide through motherhood without leaving so much as a ripple in their wake. Their children are calm and almost certainly gifted in some way – even if they have yet to identify said gift.

Underneath the serenity, however, kicks the legs of a mum desperately trying to stay afloat.  This trait is often invisible to the untrained eye, but frequently unearthed by other Swan Mamas over a coffee or long nap-inducing walk (the perfect times for recounting kiddie-induced dramas).  In some situations, Swan Mamas can be mistaken for Michael Korrs Mamas (see below) but the smallest glimpse of ruffled feathers can reveal the truth!

The Crunchy Mum
Everyone has a mum friend who inadvertently makes you feel like you’re raising your kids to be obese, TV-obsessed, illiterate brats.

I can think of several mummy friends whose toddlers will happily gnaw down on raw broccoli as a park time snack, or shovel up gluten-free, ancient grains bread dipped in homemade rutabaga and rapini soup.   I am in awe of these mums, but after years of trying to aspire to their levels of healthiness I have deemed it to be too stressful and counterproductive.

The Lord is a very picky eater, so for now I shall be content with getting him eating pasta without yelling “I NO LIKE PASSA MUMMY…NOOOOOOO”.

TV is another topic which I shall berate you with at a later date!

The Michael Korrs Mama
Identifiable by their pristine hairstyles, freshly polished nails and penchant for designer labels, Micheal Korrs (MK) Mamas are rarely seen during the week (you will know the kiddies and their weekday ‘caregiver’ though!). MK Mamas can be easily spotted at weekends due to their clustering tendencies and huge handbags.  Typically, you will only see MK Mamas outside in fair weather (definitely NEVER during inclement conditions).

Weekday sightings are limited to Starbucks and/or Wholefoods** wearing yoga pants (always Lululemon) and with the Samsung Galaxy S6 Edge in their palm.

MK Mamas can be shunned by their peers for even the slightest misdemeanours such as ordering anything other than a skinny, soy, matcha-doo-da latte (no foam) or  indulging in too much gluten.

I am a little bit jealous of MK Mamas.

Stay tuned for definitions of Guilty Mum, Textbook Mama and The Oracle Mother

* for non-Torontonians replace with local park, high street, etc

** picture Waitrose for my Brit mamas!


2 thoughts on “Everyone Knows These Mums

  1. melbennett says:

    I’m surrounded by the Michael Korrs Mamas and am jealous of their sparkling white veneers, shiny highlighted locks, manicured nails, size 0 twill leggings, and polished black riding boats that don’t have a speck of salt and debris on them despite the sidewalks of Yonge Street being a dirty winter mess. I stood behind one of them in line at Loblaws yesterday and bless her, she even brought her own environmentally-friendly tote bags (probably designer made). Her children even sparkled, waiting patiently while their mom paid with her gold card. Humbling indeed, when I don’t even have young ones to take care of and yet, my boats are covered with white salty stains, my hair has an inch of grey, and my track pants are stretched out with a saggy ass. Even my best day isn’t as gleaming as a Michael Korrs Mama on her worst day.


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