Long time, no see  peeps. A cheeky little vacay for me and I’m back with the latest instalment of our beloved mama categories! Since the first part, I have found myself critiquing my definitions for you lovely people so let’s hit the next group of mums that we all know and love!

The Guilty Mum
This is our dear friend who beats herself up about everything little thing.  Couldn’t breastfeed – her fault. Baby has colic – her fault. Baby won’t eat delicious, organic, homemade slop – her fault. Toddler can’t recount the alphabet at age two – her fault.

This poor mama makes her life ten times harder because her expectations are unattainable.  She sees you or me for a few split seconds on a good day and translates that as Perfect Mum, Perfect Kid.  WRONG!  You think my kids always walk nicely, eating cucumber slices?! I used to be a Guilty Mum but it chipped away at my sanity until enough was enough.  Next time you meet a Guilty Mama ask them a couple of questions – Will it kill them? Is it illegal? If the answer is no, then stop worrying!

Textbook Mama
A Textbook Mama is a blessing and a curse.  On the one hand, they know the ‘proper’ answer to almost every parenting question and can recount the various development stages, age-appropriate activities and the symptoms of the  top ten childhood illnesses.

The flip side of this is they can sometimes find themselves lost when their little bundle doesn’t follow the rules!  This is when Textbook Mamas find themselves an Oracle Mother to provide the answers they so desperately need!

Sleep and feeding are the two biggest areas that a Textbook Mama focuses on.  They will talk to you about sleep training and schedules, purees and homo milk*.  Google just doesn’t cut the mustard with these scholarly mothers.  Unlike me, they don’t Google articles until they find the one that gives the answer I want!  They only trust best selling authors with tried and tested methods.

The Oracle Mother
The Oracle Mother is the top dog of mamas, the one mama everyone else goes to when they are floundering. Every mum has a go-to person who reassures them, calms their kiddie or just feeds them wine!

I found my Oracle Mother way before I had miniatures.  I was in awe of her (seemingly) effortless mothering techniques and (apparently) relaxed attitude to challenging behaviours.  Her house was a clean but chaotic haven that I couldn’t get enough of.  She’d welcome me in after a bad day at work as if I was another one of her brood.  By the time my teacup humans arrived our paths had drifted but I still try and style my parenting on her with the mantra of WWTD (What Would Tricia Do?!)

The best and most humbling trait of an Oracle Mother is their complete obliviousness to being one!  They will modestly deny their status and change the subject immediately (or laugh hysterically at the fact another mum might be stupid enough to style themselves on them!!!)

If you have any other mums in your circle of friends…let me know!  I will duly seek out such mamas and observe them for afar!