Where do I start?! Consider this the “oh sorry, I totally meant to send that to someone else. But…while I’m here, how have you been?” of posts. (Don’t pretend you’ve never accidentally [on purpose] sent a text to the wrong person in the hope that it’ll start a dialogue from which you can glean a sliver of flirtation/attention/gossip!)

In other words, I don’t really have much fodder to bang out a proper post (actually, I probably do but it been so fooking hot and life has been so fooking dingue that I can barely drink tepid water without sweating).

Anyway, while I’m here..how have you been?! We’ve had a bit of a switch-a-roo recently. Mr. British Maple has had beaucoup de time at home (ten weeks to be precise!) and I have to tell you – it is not natural or healthy for a married couple to spend every waking (and sleeping) minute together. I slowly transformed into a brainless, irritable whinge-bag, incapable of completing basic tasks and resorted to taking 15-minute wee breaks as a way of getting some solitude!

Simultaneously, Mr. BM turned into his mother – rearranged the kitchen, re-disciplined the kids and silently tutted each time I walked past the ‘to do’ pile without ‘doing’ any of it. So you can imagine my excitement [picture a puppy let out of the house after three hours alone] when he suggested I do some temping until he was back at work.* I would never have had the kahunas to sign up to a recruitment agency without his *ahem* support (I can only assume my omnipresence was becoming a little tiresome too!)

I let myself get excited at the prospect of donning a pencil skirt and having a reason to wear mascara; but didn’t in a million years prepare myself to actually get a real-life job again! What you have to understand is that my CV is far stronger than I am (or am likely to be for quite some time yet!) and so these poor, naive companies, looking for a six-week temp, think they’re getting a polished ‘got-her-shit-together’ ex-senior manager when really they have inadvertently signed up a ‘shit-I’ve-forgotten-how-Outlook-works’, sleep-deprived thirty-something who’s only conversation always circles back to her kids! Anyway, one such poor company did hire me and I have spent the last four weeks pretending to be an office-dweller again (I’m sure, at some point, I’ll collate some blog-worthy thoughts on this transition, but right now suffice to say it’s waaaaay easier being at work than chasing the dudes 24/7).

TEXT: “Hey Mummy, how’s work?!”

REPLY: “Hey Daddy, how’s your lunchtime pint?!”

I have two weeks left on my contract and I am a little sheepish to admit I have mixed feelings about reclaiming the SAHM throne. But, it’s the school holibobs, Mr. BM needs to get back to work and I am craving some decent home-cooked meals (Mr. BM and I have very differing views on what ‘home-cooked’ means!)

Thank you for listening to my drivel. I shall reward you with some deep, insightful shit about working again, Stay-At-Home-Dadding and the pros and cons of coffee addiction very soon.

Stay cool, peeps (literally – it’s still too chuffing hot!)

*Before you all worry about Mr. BM’s health/disciplinary record, please rest assured that his extended home-stay was entirely healthy and welcomed!