Introducing The CHUMPs

As the General Election looms and certain key political figures are demonstratively missing from the stage; I have taken heed of the public backlash and completed my alternative political parties series as promised!

Today is the turn the Child-Hating Unattached Men Party, affectionately known as CHUMPs. This interview was a toughie because CHUMPs like to stay fairly anonymous and prefer to spread their message vicariously. Nevertheless, The British Maple dug deep and got to the bottom of their key policies and plans for the future post-election. Continue reading

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The MERLOT Party

As promised in my last post, today we take a look at our second alternative political party – the Mums Estranged from Real Life Outside Toddlerdom party.

Contrary to its name, the MERLOT party includes and represents the views of dads, guardians and the odd teacher or ten too. Their main aim is to assist in the rebalance of power in the homes of all toddler keepers.

Today, I interview myself (the friends list is still pretty short) to see what improvements the MERLOT party could bring to the UK. Continue reading

The Toddler Party Manifesto

I don’t like to get political on The British Maple (mostly because it makes me cross and I hate arguments!) but with the UK general election looming, I thought it was high time to bring some high brow discussion to the table.

I’m not overly enamoured with any of my political options this time round (are we ever?!) so I turned to the Lord and the General for an alternative. After all, if a blithering, swollen headed womb ferret with a bad case of verbal diarrhoea can ‘run’ one of the world’s largest countries, surely a couple of gobby toddlers can make a go of it too?! Continue reading

Man Cub Pile On

Modern Day Parenting Techniques

As parents we have had pretentious, over-used parenting terminology thrust upon us for years; Helicopter parents, Tiger parenting, Laissez Faire… we do it, they name it! Personally, I don’t really give a flying chuff if some pseudo-psychoanalyst wants to categorise me into some bullshit pigeon hole; I’m dragging up my man cubs the best I can and adapt my “parenting style” accordingly at each turn! Continue reading

No Mum’s Land

Since moving back to the UK, I have been in a bit of a rut. No motivation to do anything but having far too much to be getting on with. You know, all that mundane life admin that piles up to create a sea of monotony and soul-destroying tedium?! I’ve found it pretty tough leaving my Tdot Mama Tribe (and the year-round blue skies) so it’s been a lonely few months of settling down, doing up the house and trying to make friends. Continue reading

The Pocket Money Conundrum

Let me start by saying that today has NOT worked out as I had planned. It’s Tuesday which is officially my day off as both the Lord and the General are usually at school. Unfortunately, the winter bug has finally found our house and floored the both of them.

So, I have cancelled my plans to ‘do lunch’ and instead have endured hours of seemingly endless episodes of twatty pigs, thick as pigshit dogs in uniform and talking cars. Continue reading

Let’s Talk About Boobies Again

Amidst the chaos that has been our life for the past few months, a very significant change has happened.  I’m not sure when, exactly, it happened, nor do I know exactly how; but I have rather mixed feelings about it. I have gone from being a seasoned tandem nurser to a no-milk mama. I am thrilled to have my body back but there is another emotion I haven’t quite managed to put my finger on yet. Continue reading

Home Sweet Home Series: The Journey Begins

It’s taken far too long to publish this post and for that, I apologise. My entire existence during the last six months has been an intricate balancing act of keeping my kids alive, maintaining my sanity and trying to make our new house habitable as our new home.

77 days ago we exchanged on our new house and yet, we only moved in a couple of weeks ago; but I FINALLY have the space and and solitude (bwaaahahaha) to focus on something other than keeping the kids’ toys in check (this factor will inevitably play a role; but it will be MY house and if I decide that a cuppa takes priority then stuff it!!!) Continue reading