Category: Toddlerisms

The Toddler Party Manifesto

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I don’t like to get political on The British Maple (mostly because it makes me cross and I hate arguments!) but with the UK general election looming, I thought it was high time to bring some high brow discussion to the table.

I’m not overly enamoured with any of my political options this time round (are we ever?!) so I turned to the Lord and the General for an alternative. After all, if a blithering, swollen headed womb ferret with a bad case of verbal diarrhoea can ‘run’ one of the world’s largest countries, surely a couple of gobby toddlers can make a go of it too?! Continue reading →

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Man Cub Pile On

Modern Day Parenting Techniques

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As parents we have had pretentious, over-used parenting terminology thrust upon us for years; Helicopter parents, Tiger parenting, Laissez Faire… we do it, they name it! Personally, I don’t really give a flying chuff if some pseudo-psychoanalyst wants to categorise me into some bullshit pigeon hole; I’m dragging up my man cubs the best I can and adapt my “parenting style” accordingly at each turn! Continue reading →

The Pocket Money Conundrum

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Let me start by saying that today has NOT worked out as I had planned. It’s Tuesday which is officially my day off as both the Lord and the General are usually at school. Unfortunately, the winter bug has finally found our house and floored the both of them.

So, I have cancelled my plans to ‘do lunch’ and instead have endured hours of seemingly endless episodes of twatty pigs, thick as pigshit dogs in uniform and talking cars. Continue reading →

The British Maple Leaves Tdot: Stress, Strep and Suitcases

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After a week of blubbing, packing, repacking, goodbyes and emergency doctor’s appointments we finally left Tdot.

The last Tim’s
Oh iShuffle, how you mock me
The last fancy coffee

Remarkably, the Lord, the General and I made it to the UK relatively unscathed but the last few days certainly weren’t without their dramas. Continue reading →

The British Maple Leaves Tdot: Telling The Tots

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Moving is a shed-load of work at the best of times, but you should try doing it with a pre-terrible two-er and a threenager in tow.

The Lord is (and always has been) far too alert and perceptive for his age. I’m not boasting when I say this, if anything it is mightily frustrating for him (and us) because he doesn’t yet know how to deal with these ‘big feelings’.  I’ve learnt the hard way that we can’t hide anything from our darling threenager, so we decided to talk to the Lord very early on about the move. Continue reading →

Life Is A Journey, Not A Destination.

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Wednesdays are my second favourite day of the week because the Lord is safely out of the way at daycare (Fridays are my favourite day of all because they’re both in daycare – does that make me a bad mummy?!)

Anyway, on this, my second favourite day, I took the General to the park and for once, he was pretty content to play with other children without my involvement. This gave me some much-needed time to sit and reflect.  I resisted the urge to get out my phone to catch up on the three texts I’d still not replied to and just watched.  Continue reading →

Screw you, 4am…and other choice phrases

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Once upon a time there was a girl who met a guy.

The girl…
…the guy
Young love

They fell in love, bought a house, got married, moved to Canada, had a baby and never slept again…The End?! Well, we can’t actually see the end but every single, cosmo-foresaken night we hope to the ends of the Earth that tonight will be the night that they finally both sleep.

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I Still Got It…Errr

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I hope those of you who celebrate it had a nice Easter and for those that don’t, congrats on the free long weekend!!

Before the teacup humans came along I liked nothing more than entertaining friends, cooking a lovely three-course meal and enjoying some good wine.  Then the whirlwinds turned up and that became a thing of the past.

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A Week In Toronto…With Toddlers!

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When we first moved to Toronto almost four and a half years ago, we didn’t even know where to shop let alone where to entertain mini humans (admittedly this wasn’t quite on our radar at that time!)

Then the Lord arrived and we continued our trudge up and down Yonge Street, enjoying lunch pretty much whenever we fancied it.  As any parent of a toddler knows this peaceful yummy-mummy phase is short-lived (my goodness, I’d make so much more of this time if I could be a first time mum again!)

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